The Genetic Disposition
by Wayne Christensen

Tonight I dance,
Tomorrow I'll work.
But since it's still tonight,
I think I'll just dance.
- Amber

The situation was desperate. Mike, Glennie, Danny, Gerald and Wayne, trapped inside a rustic little house in the middle of an evergreen forest in an alternate universe. Outside small, winged horrors darted and zipped through the air, crashing at the windows, thumping into the walls.

"This was your idea." Mike spat at Wayne. "It looks safe enough, you said. we can leave our environmental protection disks on board the ship! Shit!" He was bleeding from dozens of small wounds, as was everyone else. Glennie was in the middle of a mental breakdown, cowering in a corner and cackling like a lunatic. No one wanted anything to do with him and many venomous glances were cast in his direction. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that every one of the bat-winged little beasties with the slavering fangs that were swarming about the house looked exactly like him. When he thought no one was looking, Danny even grabbed Glennie by the hair and punched him in the face. The injured idiot shrieked and Wayne pushed Danny away from him.

"He is not responsible for this, you moron. Leave him alone."

"How long can we stay in here?" Gerald asked. "Sooner or later we will need food and water." He looked around at the inside of the odd little cabin that they had sought refuge within. No one had any idea who the owners were or where they were, but when set upon by the awful little glennie monsters, it was the first refuge they found, and not a moment too soon as Gerald's many bleeding wounds were testament to. The things had appeared out of nowhere, like a swarm of foot and a half long bees with bat-like wings.

"What the fuck!" Mike grunted. Following his gaze, Wayne saw that Glennie had broken off a small piece of the wall and was eating it. Mike looked at Wayne in puzzlement, and back towards Glennie. Frowning, he took a small piece of the material and put it into his mouth. Chewing vigorously, his face assumed puzzlement to the point of absurdity. He began to laugh and the laugh swiftly turned hysterical.

"It,, hee hee, it,,, I don't fucking believe it. It's fucking Gingerbread!" He sat down hard and shrieked laughter that slowly turned into wracking sobs. Wayne shuddered and turned away. But not before tasting a small piece of the cabin wall himself. Sure enough, it was sweet Gingerbread. Danny had been watching. He turned away from Glennie and licked the window.

"Fuck! It's sugar, like rock candy."

The horrid little Glennie things were clustering around the two windows, thumping at it with their wicked little wing claws while uttering thin wailing shrieks. Wayne paled, looking at the ugly little faces that were identical copies of Glennie's countenance - except for the needle-like fangs in their mouths. They were totally weaponless, trapped in the weird gingerbread cabin by the Glennie beasties. Wayne's body was covered with nasty little wounds ripped into his flesh by the teeth of the flying bastards.

"This is not Glenn's fault." Wayne repeated to the group. "Apparently the ship's computer randomly chose a universe which appeared to have something to do with us in it. We may have created this universe ourselves for all we know. This is just a theory, but what if we did?"

"What do you mean?" Mike asked.

"We visited the Cambrian period last month." Wayne replied. "We left genetic material all over the place. Danny had a cold or something, and kept blowing snot all over the ground. Glennie took a shit. You damned near cut your hand off on a piece of obsidian. Perhaps we laid the groundwork for something like this. Maybe it all came from us."

"Ridiculous!" Mike growled, but the word seemed a poor choice as he looked at the multitudes of small ugly Glennie faces at the windows. Inexplicably, all the little bat-Glenn's suddenly flew off the windows, shrieking loudly.

"Here comes the cavalry." Gerald said flatly. Everyone gathered at the window, even the whimpering Glennie who was still chewing gingerbread. A number of unbelievable creatures came galloping into the clearing around the gingerbread house.

"Fuck!!" Danny barked in disbelief. The newcomers were about six feet long, on four long horse-like legs. They counted almost twenty of them. They were legged Penises with riders! Exactly like human dicks in appearance, the riders had human faces.

"Mike!" Wayne roared. Sure enough, every one of the penis riders had faces exactly like Mike's. A second look showed that the riders were not seperate entities, but were part of the galloping peni. They were phallic centaurs. The Mike-cock centaurs carried short, evil bladed spears that they twirled like batons as they chased the Bat-Glennies around. Wayne watched one of them spear a Bat-Glenn from the air with lightning speed. The Bat-Glenns seemed to realize that they were whipped and took wing high over the tree tops, heading northward with the Mike-cocks in full pursuit, their combined shrieks, growls, grunts - an awful cacophany, fading into the distance.

"Quick!" Wayne yelled. "Back to the ship, before they come back. We won't survive another attack in the open!" They all ran out the open door, Mike grabbing hold of Glennie and yanking him along. They hustled across the clearing and through the forest trail that had appeared so peaceful and serene before the attack of the Bat-Glenns. Wayne came first to the fork in the trail.

"Fuck!! which way?"

"That way," Gerald yelled, pointing to the left fork. The rest of the group followed him.

Suddenly a painful impact knocked Wayne to the ground as something bounced off his skull.

"Boom poop poop!" thundered a loud voice. Gerald screamed as a small, black object bounced off his back. The trees around them were moving! Huge pale fruits hung from the conifers, and with horror Wayne realized that the fruits all had his face and were making the noise.

"Boom poop poop." A small, black pellet issued from the mouth of a Wayne fruit with terrific speed, barely missing Danny's face. Glennie's eyeballs rolled up inside of their sockets as one of the marble-sized missiles smacked into his testicles against his tight levis. He slumped to the ground in a fetal position.

"Boom poop poop." The Wayne fruits were all firing and the Snutch Society was being viciously pelted by the black projectiles.

"We gotta go!" Wayne screamed. "Just run for it or we are finished!" Gerald grabbed Glennie and threw him over one broad shoulder. Danny was dazed by a blow to the temple. Mike grabbed his arm, dragging him along as the group fled precipitously through the evil woods. They came to a brief stop at the edge of another clearing and Wayne yelled for the Starleaper to decloak. The magnificient spaceship's computer complied and they watched the mighty vessel appear over the blueish tinted plants of the clearing.

"Home!" Wayne yelled to Melanie, the computer, as they entered the Starship. In moments they had left the alternate universe behind and the familiar layout of the eastern Oregon sagebrush plains appeared around the ship as it altered space-time with the incredible power of it's particle-drive coil. Panting for breath, Wayne leaned over his command seat on the bridge, looking down at the others.

"You all...look like shit. Go get some rest." He lurched off down the corridor to his quarters.