Dungeon of the Dunes first appeared in KA-BLAM, Fall, 1985
by Captain Wayne

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep...


Smells of summer permeated the salty air of Coos Bay's north Spit while various birds reveled in the morning sunshine. It was such a beautiful morning that Glenn Christensen II did not even notice when a large Gull deposited it's fecal cargo on his best hiking shirt. Stretching and yawning he blew an enormous fart that echoed up and down the peaceful looking beach.

Underneath the deserted old dock nearby Glenn found a dead rat carcass swarming with little green worms. He was instantly fascinated. Such a sight brought the true wonder of nature into focus for him. The healthy maggots busily burrowing in the hapless rat's scrotum could evoke poetry in his romantic soul.

A short way back into the brush was a dead camp fire surrounded by four young men snoring away in sleeping bags. Micheal Gray slept soundly until a small fox began to sniff at his face. He opened one bloodshot eye and studied the creature with interest. For a long moment they looked each other in they eye, then, in a quick movement, the animal heisted it's hind leg and squirted a stream of hot urine directly into Mike's eye. Shrieking lurid profanity he leaped up as the fox scampered happily into the brush. Still zipped into his sleeping bag, Mike immediately tripped and fell face first into the cold dead ashes of the fire. His eyes bulged in horror as he tried to breath and sucked soot into his nose and mouth. He finally managed to rip his way out of the sleeping bag and leaped to his feet, face black, blood rimmed eyes literally popping from his skull. Still sucking for breath but getting no oxygen Mike blew the plug of ashes from his nose and throat with a mighty effort, making a loud noise that sounded something like "Grork!!"

Half blinded by ash and still in his underwear the hapless Mike stumbled towards the beach. Somewhere in his mind he knew he needed water to wash the ash from his eyes and face. In his present state it did not occur to him that his own five gallon water supply was much nearer.

He was a most macabre sight as he leaped up onto the old boathouse dock in his underwear, face blackened with soot, tongue protruding, leaping across gaping spaces of missing timbers. Fate, that cosmic trickster, took a turn for the worse as he stepped onto a rotting timber that was directly above the head of Glenn, who was still beneath the dock admiring maggots. The timber crashed down into Glenn's cranium, driving his face downwards into the maggot infested rat carcass. Mike's leg plunged into the hole made, completely up to his ass. He gave vent to an awful shriek as his testicles hit hard wood with a puttyish splat.

Danny Christensen was dreaming that he was in a torture chamber far down into the depths of some horrid dungeon when wakefulness began to rouse him. With a shock, he realized that someone or something, actually was screaming. He popped up to see his uncle Wayne and Gerald Murr both scrambling up out of their bags to see what was going on.

"I knew it!" Gerald said, tugging twigs from his beard. "I told you that Bigfoot lived out here. But do you think anyone would believe me? Oh nooooo." His face was flustered and behind his thick glasses his eyes were crossed.

Danny held his finger in the air in an authoritative manner, "That is the cry of a Mountain Lion. I've heard it before."

Wayne had finished pulling on his jeans and had crammed his unlit cigar from the night before into the corner of his mouth. "Why don't we go see what the fuck it is and put the controversy to rest." He snapped the last button on his 501's and walked briskly beachward.

When Dan and Gerald caught up, they found Wayne kneeling over Glenn's lifeless looking body, administering CPR. "I wish just once, that just one fucking camping trip could go smoothly without some disaster."

Mike lay on top of the dock in a fetal position, groaning feebly with both hands clutching his crotch. Gerald was literally hopping up and down, looking up and down the beach as he hollered. "You see? Bigfoot got em! I knew we'd run into him out here sooner or later."

The seeds of doubt had entered Danny's rolling eyes and he stared fearfully at the nearbye forest. "Buh...Bigfoot? Ya really think so?"

Wayne looked up from Glenn's protrate form. "Ah... do you think you guys could gimme a hand here. He's hurt and I need some help." The two bigfoot worriers crouched about looking at the injured Glenn. Since Mike was writhing and groaning actively, it was assumed that he would survive. Glenn was a different matter. For several moments Danny breathed into his brother's mouth as Wayne pumped Glenn's chest with his hands.

With horror Wayne began to think that he was working over a corpse when suddenly Glenn took a deep breath and coughed phlem into Dan's face. Groaning horribly he opened his eyes and looked around blankly. The others realized that something was clearly wrong when Glenn swept Danny away with a sweep of his muscular arm and leaped to his feet, snorting and grunting like a pig. There was no light of recognition in his eyes and he made unintelligible sounds as his rescuers stared at him in frozen astonishment. He quickly turned and slouched into the dwarf pine forest of the spit, his knuckles leaving twin furrows in the sand behind him.

For long minutes, Wayne, Gerald and Danny watched the point where Glenn had disappeared into the brush. Danny recovered his equilibrium first and raced around in the brush trying to figure out where Glenn had vanished to while Wayne shook his head and checked Mike out.

Danny came back baffled. "He is gone. Completely vanished. shit! Must be a lot of piss in his brainpan."

"As soon as we can ascertain whether Mike is okay or not we will have to load up and go looking for him." said Wayne. "Maybe if Mike's condition is not too serious we can leave him here in camp with some food and water and go find Glenn."

"I'm okay." Mike grumbled. "Just give me a while for my nuts to stop aching." He rose shakily and got down off of the dock with some assistance from Glenn, a strange sight in his ragged old underwear.

Still bleary eyed from sleep, the Snutch Society packed lightly, taking only the contents of their back packs and caching the rest of the supplies. The trip had been intended to be a two week stay on the relaxing North Spit beach, but as usual, Wayne reflected, something had gotten screwed up.

The place where Glenn had entered the forest came out upon a sandy four wheel drive road where his tracks could be seen in the loose sand. Oddly enough, it seemed as if Glenn was divesting himself of his clothing as he walked. A shirt there, a sock here, pair of pants hanging from a huckleberry bush, so on, so forth.

Near sunset the group finally spotted Glenn out near the ocean side, hunched over a clump of wild strawberries, stuffing them into his mouth along with handfuls of beach pea pods. Upon sighting them Glenn grunted with alarm and leaped away into the brush like some wild animal surprised by a predator.

"Maybe we should just let him be." Said Mike as they sat around a camp fire on the ocean beach later that night. "He seems to be enjoying himself."

"We can't do that." Wayne replied. "He is a sick man and we have to get him to a hospital." From out of the darkness there was a wild sounding grunt and the group looked up to see Glenn's face briefly shining in the firelight from out of the tall grass at the upper end of the beach. The face snarled at them and vanished into the night. There was a quick scrambling search, but Glenn was gone into the darkness.

Wayne had begun to to wonder if Mike was right in wanting to leave Glenn to himself the next morning when they discovered the half eaten remains of a skunk. If nothing else, Glenn would be fragrant. Wayne shuddered.

Later that day, the searchers broke out onto the beach where a family was hatily loading a four wheel drive truck. When they were sighted, a burly man whipped out his rifle. "That's close enough boys."

"Whoa," Wayne said, holding up his hands. "Put that goddam thing down before you shoot someone. We are looking for someone, wondering if you have seen him."

He gave the man a brief description of Glenn, his bean shaped head and low slung jaw, his apelike body and spinal curvature.

"Yup, it was him allrighty." The guy said. His frizzy haired wife shook her head affirmatively, her eyes bulging behind thick glasses. "Yep, he leaped out of the brush like a lunatic just as Mabel here was getting ready to cut our watermelon." The worried looking woman nodded her head vigorously in agreement. "He pushed her down, grabbed the goddam watermelon and ran back into the brush, giggling like a moron."

It was the most horrid sight that Mike had ever beheld. They had stumbled upon it late in the afternoon. There lay the watermelon on a warm patch of sand. From a round hole in the side, a slimy white liquid dribbled out onto the sand. While the others looked away in disgust, Mike turned pale and shaky. Dropping to his knees he covered his eyes to hide the obscene sight.

"It didn't even have a chance." he moaned. "What type of an awful creature has Glenn turned into?"

Glenn did not know who or what he was. All he was sure of was that he ate, pissed, shit and slept. Another watermelon would sure be nice. He lived day by day like some laconic animal. He slept when it was dark and searched for food during the daylight hours. He did not know where he came from nor did he care. He merely wandered around on the North Spit killing time aimlessly without a care in the world.

On the lee edge of the south dunes a recent windstorm had swept the sand away from an area that had been buried hundreds of years. A forest of long dead buried trees once again cast their shadows in the light of the summer sun. It was this woody sepulcher that the naked and moronic Glenn found himself wandering in. The dead trees filled him with a sense of forboding, but he did not know why, the feeling irritated him and he grunted angrily at the sky.

Up in the top of one of the snags and Osprey had bult it's nest and laid a couple of eggs. Instinct took over and Glenn swung up into the branches much like the Chimpanzee he resembled. Clambering easily up to the next, he cracked the eggs and sucked their contents into his loose lipped mouth.

This was all just fine and dandy except for the Mother Osprey who sat in an adjoining tree glaring at the audacity of the baboon faced human eating her offspring. With a loud squawk of anger, the bird flew over and landed in front of Glenn's face. As he looked up into the keen eyes of the bird, the hungry amnesiac turned pale and shuddered, knowing that he had done a very bad thing. For a long minute they stared into each other's eyes, the idiot and the angry bird, it's beak terrifyingly close to Glenn's flabby mouth. Finally, in desperation, he gently leaned over and kissed the sharp hooked beak. The bird appeared to be actually amazed. With a quick movement it spun around and lifted it's tail, shooting a stream of runny bird shit into Glenn's face.

Shrieking in horror, the naked man flailed his arms wildly and plunged groundward. Like a drunken ape, Glenn smashed down through the old rotting branches, flapping, hooting and shrieking. he finally landed with a dull thud and rolled down a low slope of sand where his head encountered a hard object that stopped his movement with a hard whack to his already damaged skull. Sitting up he gingerly rubbed his cracked cranium. It was then that he noticed the object he had come to rest against. It was a massive stone doorway constructed out of shiny black stone, held together with heavy hinges that must have weighed fifty pounds apiece.

Wracked with pain and thoroughly exhausted, Glenn was dimly aware that there might be a quiet and peaceful place to rest beyond the weird doorway. Staggering to his feet, Glenn immediately succumbed to waves of nausea and promptly puked on the warm sand beneath his feet. Dropping to his knees he continued to puke until he finally fell face first into the growing puddle. When at last he was able, he once again regained his feet and investigated the pile of stone forming the housing for the ominous looking doorway. The rearward side slanted down into the sand like a steep ramp.

His eyeballs fastened onto a huge metal latch and he stepped forward through his own huge puddle of puke and toyed with it as a small child might toy with it's penis. Within moments he was rewarded with a creaking sound as the door swung inward on sandy hinges. Inside, a dusty stairway of stone went downwards until lost in the gloomy darkness. With one last look at the bright world around him, the naked idiot scratched his ass and descended into the stygian blackness.

The early morning sun shone dimly through the fog as the astounded Snutch Society gathered round the great stone door. The portal was slightly ajar and the musty air oozing up out of the gloom smelt reminiscent of a mausoleum. With great wariness Wayne stepped forward and peered down the eerie stairway. After a moment of silence he turned toward Danny who was speechless and drooling like a vegetable. "Gimme your flashlight please."

Unclipping the powerful torch from his belt, Dan handed it to his uncle. "What a place for a party." muttered Gerald. In the beam of the bright light, it appeared that the stairway extended indefinitly down into the dark. The light probably reached about an eighth of a mile in total darkness, the stairs did not appear to end, but vanished into the distant darkness. Wayne backed out of the doorway and handed the flashlight to the others to let them take a look.

Mike was busily examining the pitted lava rock comprising the structure. "This stuff is identical to the rock out in the desert where we camped last summer." He exclaimed. To prove his point he pulled out a toking stone he had carved out of eastern oregon lava rock and compared it to the stuff the doorway was made of. For a moment he became silent as a flashing vision sprang into his mind of a punctured watermelong dribbling white slime.

Wayne shook himself out of his state of awe. "Who wants to come down with me and take a look? We've found something hot here."

His only answer was silence. He turned to find the rest of the group all looking around at the birds and the sky and the whatever. Mike was whistling nervously while Danny pretended great interest in a flower.

"Bunch of fucking cowards!" Wayne spat.

"Looks like some secret military thing that we should not be messing with." Danny said.

"Shit!" Wayne snarled derisively. "I'll lay odds that this artifact is older than western civilization. Look around you,, the entire dune that used to cover this spot is gone, blown away by those horrific winter storms we had."

"He is correct." Gerald said. "It looks as though Glenn did indeed enter this doorway. We will have to follow and see what is at the bottom of the stairway."

Danny's hair stood on end and the smell of fresh shit fanned out through the morning air. "You are serious? We have no idea what the fuck this is, what it leads down to or who is down there waiting for us other than my brother who is apparently in the throes of some sort of amnesiac fit. Now you guys want us to walk down this stairway that appears to go on into infinity into some dark hole?"

Mike said nothing but appeared to be rather pale, gulping hard as he stared at the big stone portal.

"That's the general idea." Wayne replied. "Of course, if you are chicken, you can wait up here or go home. I will understand. As for me, I am going down. Anyone who wants can come with me." He handed Dan's light back to him and dug deep into his pack for his own. He pulled out a peculiar contraption that he added water to from his canteen and put a few dark pebbles into from a leather pouch.

"What the hell is that thing?" Mike asked as he checked the supply of batteries for his own flashlight.

"It's a carbide lantern, works the same way that the old miners headlamps did. Exposing the carbide to water releases acetylene gas which burns quite well." He touched a match to a hole at the bottom of the lantern and it sprang into a nice bright flame. "I thought I showed it to you the other night. You must have been too drunk or stoned to remember." He fine-tuned the white blazing light. "Yeah, that's the stuff, cheap bright illumination. One can full of carbide and you have days worth of light." He stood up to adjust his pack and lifted the little lantern. "Let's go, whoever's going."

Danny shrugged with resignation and slipped on his pack. "Shit, let's do it." Gerald and Mike followed. Together they lined up behind Wayne as he stepped through the ominous stone doorway that led down to who knows what.

As Glenn came at length to the bottom of the stairway, he found his surroundings shrouded in utter blackness. The door at the top of the stairway was a tiny bright pinhole of light, far away. Pacing with one hand on the cold stone wall, he soon realized in his dull way that he was in a circular room about thirty feet across with three exiting corridors leading away horizontally to the north, east, and west. With a start he suddenly became aware that he was afraid of the darkness. Turning, he leaped for the stairway, plunging instead, into a circular pit in the center of the room. He fell for about ten feet and landed on all fours, then he lurched forward and once again dashed his skull against a hard wall.

After half an hour of cautiously feeling their way down the seemingly endless stone stairway, the Snutch Society reached the bottom of the ancient pathway and shone their lights around at a high ceilinged circular room with three exits, four counting the stairway. A large circular hole lay in the exact center of the room. Mike and Danny were rather pale and shaken looking, but Wayne and Gerald's faces were lit with excitement and wonder. Gerald summed it up in one terse syllable. "Fucking wow!! What a place to have a party."

"The walls down here are made of perfectly cut obsidian blocks." Mike said. His voice echoed eerily, making the hair on the back of his head bristle.

"The floor too." Gerald mumbled. "Almost slippery. Very smooth."

Danny examined the enscriptions carved into the hard black stone above each doorway. After a couple of minutes he took out a pad and pencil and jotted down notes.

"Hey!! Check this out. What a place for a party!" Gerald was on his hands and knees looking down the hole in the floor. "There's a couple of passageways down here too. It's just like something out of D and D." He cackled as he pointed down the hole. "Second level." Danny turned a sickly pale color as he thought about the three dimensional computer game and it's Stone Giants and Grinning Blobs. There was a sound like dripping water in the quiet, dark distance.

When Glenn woke up after his most recent cranial collison, his amnesia was gone. He knew exactly who he was and what he was doing, after all, hadn't he read it all in all those old novels? Novels? When? Where? Anyway, He was Tarzan Of The Apes and he knew he was in the dark mazes beneath the ancient city of Opar. He must find the gold and jewels that awaited him, not that he knew what he would do with the stuff once he found it, or even what gold and jewels are, but he knew he had to find em.

Momentarily puzzled the Ape Glenn stood up holding his aching head in one hand, scratching his ass with the other. Those little details would be ironed out later, first order of business was finding the gold and jewels. Feeling his way around in the dark, he found two exits high enough to walk through. He picked one and began walking with one hand on the damp, slimy stone.

The Glenn searchers had recovered from their state of wonder long enough to push on. Taking a brief poll, they decided on the northbound corridor. As they advanced, Danny paused often to examine inscriptions on the walls and take notes. He paused again when a sudden sound caused a turd to plop into his pants. It was only Mike grunting behind him.

"I think I am going to crack this language soon." He said. "It seems to be a perfect mixture of several ancient tongues blended equally together. Classical languages and cryptology have both been interests of mine for some time now and I have the tools to do it."

Gerald had walked on a few feet farther. Now he called back. "I think I have found something that should make it easier for you Dan." The rest of the little company moved up to see Gerald standing in a huge room off of the main corridor, a room that seemed to be connected to several other chambers, maybe of similar size. Stacked everywhere against the walls were columns of slate and marble slabs covered with both pictures and carved character inscriptions.

Danny was so amazed with this discovery that he began running in circles, wildly flailing his arms and whooping like a moron. Mike noticed a pictograph on one wall that slightly resembled a watermelon. He gritted his teeth and shuddered. Of a sudden the group noticed that Danny had gone quiet, not only quiet, but he was just plain gone.

Mike, Wayne and Gerald all stood back to back calling for him repeatedly, but no answer was heard. "Listen." Said Mike. They strained their ears and heard a distant but awful shrieking.

"My God!" Muttered Wayne. Mike had lost control of his bladder. "Wha, wha, what if Glenn is even whackier than we think and he's down here stalking us to kill us one by one?"

"Nonsense." Growled Wayne, but his eyes rolled around grimly at the musty walls. "Get your pistols ready and let's find him."

In the midst of his excited caterwalling, Dan had pushed against a polished wall that suddenly gave way, plunging him into darkness as he fell a couple of feet into a big bucket-like object. His torch fell into the bottom and was snuffed out in deep dust. Luckily Dan's backpack cushioned his fall. He looked up just in time to see the last of his fellow adventurer's torch lights as the trick door closed. Wasting no more time he began to scream with all the lung power he could muster, which was not much at this point.

As Danny continued his relentless shrieking, he reached up to claw at the secret door, only to find to his horror, that he was moving away from the wall. It became obvious that the bucket object in which he was riding was a cargo sledge of some kind. when he fell into it, he caused it to start it's downhill journey to some distant unloading point. He promptly shit his pants. due to the increasing speed of his strange vehicle, the smell was mercifully being blown away into the darkness.

For long hours Glenn\Tarzan creeped on and on through an endless labyrinth. He guided himself by running one hand along the damp wall at all times. To keep from circling back on himself he did not turn unless he came to a solid wall, never did he turn in the same direction twice if he could help it.

At one point the Ape Idiot felt a doorway before him. He had started to step into the opening when and awful shrieking began and rapidly got closer. The screams echoed horribly as something zipped past on the other side of the door. After the thing was gone Glenn\Tarzan stepped through to find himself in a corridor that slanted sharply downwards. His feet bumped into a hard ridge extending up and down the center of the passageway. As Glenn\Tarzan had no wish to exert himself by walking uphill, or go downhill and chance meeting the screaming thing, he stepped back out through the doorway and took a different direction.

Later the Ape\Glenn began to tire. Finding a small cubbyhole on one side of the corridor, he scooped as much dust and cobwebs together as he could to soften the hard stone floor. A couple of times his hands came into contact with little things that tried to scuttle away, but he swiftly and instinctively snapped them up and ate them. Even though he thought himself to be the iron stomached Tarzan, it was probably just as well that Glenn was unable to see what he was eating. With a low belch he laid down to sleep.

Wayne, Mike and Gerald stuck to each other like glue as they slowly searched the "library". No sign of Danny was to be found anywhere. A search of the corridor leading back to the surface revealed no extra set of prints in the dust to show that he may have fled back to the outside. Gerald was shaking with terror. "Let's get the fuck outta here."

"No way!" said Wayne.

"I agree." Said Mike. "We cannot desert Dan and Glenn, as much I wish we were out of here."

"I know." Gerald sighed. "It is just that I have wet my pants for the first time in my adult life. We have no idea what the fuck is down here, waiting to pick us off."

"This place has doubtless been buried for hundreds, or perhaps even thousands of years." Wayne replied. "I cannot, I WILL not subscribe to the theory that there may be some unknown living assailant down here waiting to kill us. Whatever happened to Dan must have been accidental, I am wondering if he fell into some sort of trap door or something."

"Well then," Mike said as he inspected his 38 special. "Let's stiffen our spines and get with it. Why don't we go that way?" He pointed to a corridor leaving the room to the northeast.

"Sounds good to me." Said Wayne. Gerald shrugged. They began making their way down the dark corridor which amazingly, went about a quarter of a mile past numerous side branching passageways. With little warning the corridor opened into an immense room filled with large rectangular shapes. Adjusting his flashlight beam, Wayne felt the hair rise on his head. These objects were clearly Sarcophagi. He walked over to the nearest tomb where it was lined up close to the wall in a row with numerous others. Dumbfounded, he brushed the dust of ages aside from a surface that appeared to be stone inlaid with solid gold in intricate designs. Here and there were encrustations of brilliant jewels that shone in the torchlight with beautiful gleams. Wayne whistled. Mike began to slobber.

"A, k-k-kings fucking ransom." He stuttered. Gerald's eyes broke new records for bulging.

"Wha,, what a place to have a party."

The room extended east and west about 300 feet in each direction with a huge dome like ceiling some 50 feet or so overhead. Examination of doorways on each end revealed two similar rooms adjoining the mausoleum. The Glenn-hunters were flabbergasted by the wealth of gold leaf covering the walls. A toothy smile spread over Wayne's handsome face. The gold leaf was covered with beautifully rendered scenes of men and women making love in virtually every position known to man. the people were all naked and etched into the gold with such skill and detail that it was like looking at monochrome photos.

Gerald was trying to copy the murals on paper, but gave up as the task was simply beyond him. "They seem to have a middle eastern look about them." Said Wayne. "The features are almost, but not quite caucasian.

"I can see things reminiscent of early egyptian in them too." Mike said. "Much higher quality art though."

Gerald stared at an engraving of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was laid out in a boldly obscene pose and seemed to be smiling at him wickedly. He thought of Betty and his sudden flash of erotic desire vanished from whence it had come.

Mike was examining some golden urns standing in the corners of the room. Each was about the size of one of those large metal milk cannisters one sees on factory delivery trucks. Several gold cups hung from hooks around the top of each container. A chill passed through Mike as he noticed that each had an engraved emblem on the side that slightly resembled a watermelon. Prying the lid off of one he was disappointed to see that it was entirely full of black dirt.

"I wonder what they bottled that crap for?" said Wayne.

"Maybe it was some sort of sacred dirt used in ceremonies." Gerald replied. Wayne shrugged. Anything was possible. Some people pray to crosses, others may revere dirt. These days you could find people who prayed to just about anything.



Danny's shrieking began to subside as he realized that his bizarre chariot was no longer sliding downhill but coasting to a slow stop on a level plane. When he could once again control his breathing he felt around until his groping fingers found the lost torch. He reached into his pocket for matches only to find that his own urine had hopelessly soaked them. Desperately he ripped into his backpack and finally found a Bic lighter which he promptly applied to the torch.

At this point it should be pointed out that in order to conserve his flashlight batteries, Dan had experimented by making a number of torches out of green juniper sticks with ends coated in a tarry mixture of roofing tar and cloth. He had mean't to use them at the campsite, but realized that this strange tomb was the ideal place to put them to the test. And now that he had left his flashlight in Gerald's pack upstairs he was entirely dependant upon his invention.

The torch sputtered into life from the lighter flame and Dan forgot his fear as a stupor of wonder engulfed the brain embedded within his jar shaped head. Apparently he was at an unloading point for the sledge in which he sat and for others as well. Different trackways led upwards into the darkness from three directions.

On his left a small flight of steps lead up to a large doorway framed in solid gold. He lifted the torch higher to see an incredible fortune in various precious stone encrusted in the yellow metal. Hopping out of his bucket Danny climbed the steps through the door to find a series of library chambers that dwarfed the one upstairs. He wandered through the rooms with a long string of slobber hanging from his mouth as he observed massive piles of inscribed information surrounding him.

Each slab was about two inches thick and two feet long by one foot wide. They were always slate, marble, or a couple of types of rock that he could not identify. Evidently the upstairs library chamber was where the slates were brought to be transported to the lower chambers for more permanent storage. Dan had no way of knowing for sure, but he was pretty sure that they were probably stacked in categories as to subject, author, and date. These people had been too organized to not attend to such details in a systematic way. Simply amazing. he thought.

In one corner of the room he was in was a large gold vase with several cups hanging off of it. They also were gold. Near this was a smaller gold vase with no cups. Both were capped with heavy gold lids. Curiosity had Danial in it's inexorable grip, with a grunt he removed the cover to the larger container and set it on the floor only to discover that the vase contained nothing but black, tacky dirt. Puzzled, he pulled out a handful off the stuff and examined it closely. As far as he could see there was absolutely nothing remarkable about the substance. Dan grunted with disgust and threw it to the floor.

At this time, like many great discoveries, Dan made his by accident. A bit of burning material fell from his torch onto the dirt he had dropped. Slowly the dark stuff began to catch fire and soon burned with a brilliant cold white flame. Yelling out loud with delight, the jar headed young man realized the meaning of what he had found. Quickly scooping one of the gold cups full of black dirt he lit it and set it in a niche in the wall to illuminate the room while he doused the vastly inferior torch. Watching the stuff burn, Dan was even more amazed to see that it was smokeless as well as odorless, although it did seem that the pungent odor from his soiled jeans was less noticeable. With some experimentation he soon figured out that an amount of the stuff roughly equivalent to a tablespoon burned for around a half hour and put out about as much light as a 40 watt flourescent bulb or Edison base.

Growing ever more curious, Dan pried open the smaller container. Inside was a large number of tiny white chunks of crystal of uniform size. Lifting a couple out, he noticed a delicious fruity odor eminating from them. Cautiously he tasted one. Almost immediately a tender euphoria filled his being and a feeling of warm comfort settled over him. Alarmed, Danny tried to spit it out, but the crystal had already dissolved on his tongue. However, far from feeling harmed, his euphoria increased.

Having grown tired and uncomfortable in the burial chamber, Mike, Wayne and Gerald left the room by means of a northwestern corridor and found a small bare room where they pitched camp. Over a meal of jerkey and Wayne's special recipe of fire roasted huckleberries the three tried to assess the discoveries of the day. Someone had mentioned that they should open one of the Sarcophagi but no one had the nerve to try it.

"Maybe these people were the last survivors of lost Atlantis." Wayne said half-jokingly.

"Why were no other signs of watermel...er, I mean their civilization found in America then?" Mike countered. "Why just this, this fucking dungeon out on the North Spit?"

"In the North Spit." Gerald corrected. They both looked at Wayne.

"I have no idea." Said Wayne. "Maybe they were just a lost tribe of weirdos from Antares." He thought about the library. "But what a culture they must have had. I am no historian, but I am quite sure that they are not of any people that history recognizes.

They certainly seem to have been preoccupied with sex." Gerald said, an erection forming in his jeans as he thought of the naked woman on the wall. Shortly the trio put out there slowly dimming flashlights and sought their sleeping bags for some peaceful rest. That is, except for Mike, who's dreams were invaded by a gigantic watermelon looming over a desert of burning sand.

Somewhere in the darkness below, Glenn\Tarzan was stumbling through the inky black, determined to find the gold of Opar. He was completely unaware of the fact that he had slept in a room with walls of solid gold, or that the pebbles which had hurt his feet were fabulous diamonds.

After walking down a slight ten foot long incline, the Ape-Idiot shrieked with shock as his feet splashed into cold water. Joyfully reaching down, he found two small ditches running across the floor of the corridor from one side to the other, entering and exiting by means of hard grills set in the bottom of each wall.

Dipping his hands into the first ditch, Glenn\Tarzan sucked up a deep drink of saltwater that gagged him. The gagging brought up the aftertaste of those small creatures he had eaten. This made Glenn\Tarzan gag still more until finally and violently, he puked. The relentless retching went on seemingly for hours as the sick idiot struggled involuntarily to release the contents of an already empty stomache.

At last as he felt he was nearing death, Glenn\Tarzan's intestines began to untie themselves and he felt the blood returning to what was left of his brain. when he could once again take a deep breath without his eyes and tongue spasmodically bulging, he CAUTIOUSLY smelled the water of the second ditch. Catching no brine scent, he tasted a tiny drop on the tip of his finger. It was fresh. Dropping to his knees the thirsty moron buried his face in the ditch and began gulping huge quantities of the cold liquid. It was then that something large and wrigglingly alive became lodged in his larynx.

Glenn\Tarzan sat up and gapingly stared at the sky he could not see with his eyes protruding in a grotesque manner. He pleadingly clutched at his throat with both hands while all the while his face began to blacken, as did his purple, flapping tongue. After another minute he dropped to his hands and knees, slowly stretching out his neck and rotating his head with a circular motion. His eyes bulged unseeingly to the side and Glenn\Tarzan knew he was dying. With one last effort he lurched to his feet and slammed against the wall. This action saved his life, as it caused a loose stone to fall out, slapping into his spine from the wall above. With a sound that you might hear from a sack of shit being whacked by a hammer, he expelled the creature in his throat.

Collapsing to the floor, Glenn\Tarzan stared aimlessly into nothingness while he gulped prescious air into his lungs for long minutes. When at last he could move again, the half dead ape Glenn raised his aching toso off of the floor and bellowed with joy as he realized he was still alive. A thought occured to him and he rapidly felt around on the floor until he found the wriggling thing he had coughed out. It felt to be about a foot long and completely legless, quite slimey. With no hesitation he heeded the call of his stomache and bit the thing's head off, chewing carefully to avoid choking again. Finding the creature palatable, he quickly gobbled down the remains and began searching the ditch for more, which he found to be numerous. After downing several of the things, he leaned against the wall and belched loudly. His repast followed up by a few minutes of relaxation made him feel much better.

Shortly Glenn\Tarzan got up to continue along the corridor. With the luck of the stupid he immediately bumped into something that felt like a five gallon milk jug. Had Glenn\Tarzan known that it was a solid gold vase, he might have been amazed, but his givashit level was becoming rather low at this point. However, he did have sense enough to take it back to the ditch and fill it partly with water and as many of the weird worm-like creatures as he could find with his fingers.

"The next time tarzan is hungry," he said out loud, "There will be food and drink." He shouldered his heavy burden with both hands on a large handle and continued his way through the darkness.

Soon, the ape-idiot noticed spots of dull green light on the ceiling above. The spots of light became more numerous until finally he was able to see that it was strings of glow worms hanging from cracks between stones. In a short while they were so numerous that the dim glow began to illuminate the corridor.

Though Glenn\Tarzan still could not see much, he could dimily make out different objects and the shape of his water jug. He quickly learned however, that unless he walked very silently, the worms would vanish, extinguishing their heavenly light. On the other hand, if he was quick enough, they made tasty little snacks. Once he was walking along at a brisk clip when he blew an enormous fart into the still air. The worms instantly left him in utter blackness and he painfully buried his face in a wall.

Glenn\Tarzan's route followed many zigs and zags now, through many galleries of seemingly aimless corridors stretching on into seeming infinity. He realized that he had doubled back upon himself at least once when he stepped into a steaming pile of his own shit.

In one room where the worms were particularly bright, he fund a pleasant cache of barbaric jewelry. Mainly armbands, bracelets and anklets of solid gold. Exquisite designs of copulating people were meticulously etched onto these objects by some long gone master craftsman. Brushing the dust of ages from the things he adorned himself with those items he liked best, one of which was a jeweled knife in a golden scabboard, connected to a gold chain mail belt. This he secured around his waist. Glenn\Tarzan felt very important and Tarzan-like indeed.


After a good sound sleep, Mike, Wayne and Gerald warmed up to hot coffee over a can of sterno and ate some more dried hucklberries and jerkey. Mike gulped and felt nauseated when Gerald pulled out a small can of Watermelon juice and drank it with gusto.

"We are running low on batteries guys." Wayne said. "I suggest we use only one flashlight and after that we will be limited to Dan's torches. By that time we will have to head for the surface to resupply and call the authorities if we have not found either of them yet."

After working up their energy, the trio moved on down the northwest corridor where they ran into a spot where the ceiling had caved in. Backtracking, they came to a corridor leading almost due west. Wayne dug out his compass and chart and noted the new position and heading, which Gerald wrote down, in addition to copying the inscriptions above the door.

About three hundred feet into this corridor, the explorers found their path blocked by an immense door plated with solid gold. In the center of the portal was a splendid Eagle, made of rubies, emerald and diamonds, set in the gold plating. Wayne ran his fingers over the scintillant stones in admiration. "These folks were excellent stone cutters to add to their numerous other talents."

Mike pushed at the door, grunting loudly. "How do we open this sonofabitch?"

"With the latch idiot." Wayne replied as he deftly opened the door. Inside was a sight which in sheer magnificense dwarfed anything they had yet seen. The room was about 200 feet across with stone walls smothered under massive hanging curtains of gold mail dotted with fabulous jewels. Circular in shape, the room was lined with marble benches, between which were large golden cannisters and their accompanying cups hung on them.

In the center of the room was a round pool of water some thirty feet across. Three gold plated doors marked exits from the room. The Glenn-hunters were dumbstruck as the light of the one flashlight flickered across the awesome beauty of this place. Wayne walked in and knelt over the pool.

"There are barnacles in here." He yelled. "Somehow this water is connected to the open sea!" With a whoop of pleasure he threw his hand into the water and yanked out a large rock crab. "All right!" He barked. "Fresh crab for lunch."

Mike had a troubling mental flash of watermelon and hot sand. "We are below sea level." He said. "What keeps the water from flooding this chamber?"

"Dunno" Wayne replied. "But whatever it is, it has been doing it for a good long time so I am not too worried." He pulled out another sizeable crab and soon, another and another. Gingerly stuffing the pincer waving crustaceans into a canvas bag from his pack, Wayne walked over to Gerald who was examining one of the gold cups from a nearby cannister.

"This is carbon." Gerald exclaimed, running his finger around the blackened edge of a cup. "These may have been incense burners."

Wayne's eyebrows raised at Gerald's mental desterity. Coming to that worthy's side he jerked the lid off of the cannister to find the expected black dirt. Snatching the cup from Gerald, he stuffed it full of dirt and touched his lighter to it, holding it well away from his face. The stuff slowly caught fire and began to burn with a beautiful white light.

"Well wipe my ass with a cactus," said Mike, looking at the flame with glassy eyes. Wayne gazed at the flame with sheer unadulterated wonder. Gerald rubbed his greasy beard with one hand and cackled with merriment. It would have been quite a moment except for the concern over their missing comrades.

Glenn\Tarzan turned on a corner and half saw, half felt a stairway leading down into a darkness that contained no glowing worms. for God knows what reason, he scratched his scrotum and began descending.

Gently feeling his way down the stairs he became conscious of a light far down in the gloom. As the ape-idiot advanced, the light grew brighter. So used to darkness was he, that he had to go very slowly and keep his eyes turned to one side. To him the delicate glow was the flame of a hellish furnace, but he gradually got used to what at first was unbearable brilliance. Shifting his heavy load of food and water, he stepped into an immense room full of thin slabs of stone stacked high everywhere. The source of light he soon saw, was a gold cup up on a wall with something brightly burning in it.

"Gold!!" The ape-idiot shrieked. Tossing down the solid gold water container, he started looking around wildly. "Where's the rest of it?" He hollered. "I came here for lots of gold."

"Hey Glenn." Came a calm voice from a corner of the room."

"Who said that?" Roared Glenn\Tarzan. Danny stood up from behind a pile of slabs. "It's me, Glenn, your brother Dan."

Glenn\Tarzan's eyes focused on the bedraggled form and his bloodshot orbs narrowed. "You! You took the gold didn't you?" With a quick leap the madman landed on Danny's chest and pressed the jeweled knife to his erstwhile brother's throat. "Where's the gold?" He hissed. Danny began to blubber and fresh shit squirted into his last pair of clean pants as he read the sentence of death in Glenn\Tarzan's red rimmed eyes.

"I, (gasp) don't..(choke).. know." Danny's face began to blacken. "P,pp,please, lets talk." The inspiration of desperation struck him as Glenn\Tarzan held the knife high for the horrible plunge heartward. "If you'll just sit up and listen to me I'll show you all the gold you want!" he shrieked.

The ape-idiot lowered his knife and his eyebrows lifted. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Choked Danny. "Just sit up and refrain from killing me for a few minutes. First of all I want you to eat this." He held up a tiny white crystal. Glenn\Tarzan raised his knife again. "Gonna poison me eh pig?"

"No, no , not at all." Danny quickly babbled. "Watch." He popped one into his own mouth. Hesitating for a minute, Glenn\Tarzan raised the thing to his lips and swallowed it. As the euphoric feeling began, a broad smile came across the idiot's face. he looked at Danny, literally slobbering with pleasure.

"If this is poison," the ape-idiot grinned, "I'll live long enough to make you die painfully."

Dan shuddered. "I'm sure you would, but it isn't poison." He was beginning to giggle despite his anxiety. At this time Glenn\Tarzan abruptly became aware that they were sitting in a small fiberglass boat on a bright blue sea.

"My mind is in control." Said Danny. "Just sit back and enjoy." Glenn\Tarzan held his knife high in the sunlight that Dab might remember his warning. Dan went on. "This is my view of what the mighty island kingdom of Fleetch looked like." He said. Glenn\Tarzan could see a coastline with a lot of strange looking sailing ships dotting the blue waters.

"I am going to tell you the story of what happened here. However, bear in mind that my phonetic interpretations of the Fleetch alphabet are my own." He pointed to a fleet of ships leaving a large natural harbor. "The great king Phutch awoke one morning and said that while he slept, the gods had told him to send a huge fleet of sailing vessels to find the far side of the sea and return to tell of it, bringing many wonderful things that they would find there."

Glenn\Tarzan reached down and felt the seawater in amazement, then he thunked the side of the boat and pinched himself. "It is the effect of the drug." Dan said. "Just relax and watch."

"Well?" Said the ape-idiot.

"It was a long and terrible journey," Dan continued. "But finally one day they sighted a forested coastline. It was a cold and wet place where brown skinned people lived who ate fish from the rivers and the sea. Phinak, leader of the fleet said "We will claim this land in the name of King Phutch The Great."

Glenn\Tarzan's eyebrows lifted as they seemed to be suddenly transported to a muddy beach where they watched Phinak plant a flag in the cold sand.

"Phinak sent three ships back to the homeland with news of the discovery. Almost a year later one ship returned with the horrible news. The three ships had found only empty water where the great kingdom of Fleetch had been. Bloated corpses of people and animals dotted the sea amidst much other debris and the sharks who bit at them." Once again Dan and Glenn\Tarzan were on the open sea watching the three sailing vessels gliding through the carnage that littered the waters. "The greatest gold and diamond mines the world had ever seen had vanished beneath the sea in the fury of a Krakatoa-type volcanic explosion.

"Phinak rallied his people together and they travelled inland across the mountains, where they built an agricultural settlement. Phinak became a mighty leader who was revered as a god incarnate among his people, the saviour. He lead and guided his subjects in every aspect of their lives, both spiritual and physical.

"Deep in a valley where the Crooked River now rolls, they built their final resting place in a valley that no longer exists. There they built a stone-walled city that overlooked the lands covered with maize and squash and a hundred other crops. Unfortunately, before the city was half completed, Phinak was killed in a fight with the brown skinned barbarians of the eastern plains.

"For the next one hundred years, the energies of the people of Phinak were devoted to the building of a mighty temple. It was to be in rememberence of their great leader who had brought them to this promised land that was so good to them. They built the underground edifice on the lonely windswept penninsula where they had first touched this land." Danny and Glenn\Tarzan were now standing on a low dune looking at the North Spit as it had been long, long ago. Men were unloading huge blocks of stone from crude wagons. The ape-idiot realized with a shock that they were building the very place who's bowels he and Dan were deep inside of at this very minute.

"The builders of Opar." Glenn\Tarzan murmered.

Dan sighed. The scene changed to the city on the other side of the mountains. "On a bright spring morning, the mountains blew apart and molten stone flowed over the new kingdom." People were fleeing and screaming everywhere and sulphurous smoke filled the air. Glenn\Tarzan coughed and looked about half fearfully. A fleeing woman wearing a leather tunic crashed into him and knocked the ape-Glenn to the ground. "Out of my way pig!" She hissed. Spinning on her heels, she continued her headlong flight. Glenn\Tarzan watched the entire city and surrounding lands become engulfed by a giant wave of magma. He thought there was something peculiar about the fleeing people, then he realized what it was. Each and every one of them had Danny's face. The surroundings faced and he found himself back in the slate room with Dan at his side.

"You see." Danny continued. "The people of Fleetch are gone forever. The only legacy they leave is this marvel of creation that they built under these shifting dunes." He waved his arm expansively at their surroundings. "The tomb of Phinak. In honor of Phinak, they put all of the original wealth they had brought from their homeland in here. The tablets and gold, jewels and art represent the heritage of Fleetch."

Glenn\Tarzan had been doing a bit of thinking and now he was beginning to realize how the drug worked. Closing his eyes, he concentrated hard. A second later Dan shrieked horribly as a huge two legged monstrosity of stone stomped into the room.


In the Sea chamber, Mike Wayne and Gerald lay back on the marble benches. their bellies were full and Mike let out a beltch. "Wonder what is in that little vase under your bench Wayne." Wayne grunted sleepily and reached under the stone bench to pull out the heavy gold vessel. Twisting off the lid, he stared in puzzlement at it's contents.

"Full of little white rocks. Smells like candy." Picking up one of the little crystals he cautiously tasted it. A second later he leaned back and grinned broadly. "I've either been poisoned or I've discovered the most incredible drug this side of heaven." he began to chuckle.

Gerald and Mike swiftly sampled the substance themselves. "Could be a type of coke." Said Gerald. Already his face had split into a grin and he began to cackle. Mike joined in the fit of mirth. They had been laughing themselves silly for several minutes when Mike soundlessly pointed at the nearest doorway. Lovely naked women were piling into the room. They kept coming until about 20 of them were lined up by the pool.

"It's them!" Mike hollered in disbelief. "I was just thinking that we needed about 20 naked babes right now and there you go." Gerald's lower jaw dropped to his chest and Wayne's eyes bulged as one of the luscious young beauties walked smilingly up to him and presented her pert, jiggling young breasts. Two or three of the pretty nymphs were busily disrobing Gerald, giggling all the while as he blubbered out unintelligible sounds. Mike was being buried beneath a pile of naked beauties. Wayne was pleased, but puzzled.

"How?" he managed to gasp as three delectable blondes began to do wonderful things to his now naked body. A few minutes later he was catching his breath again when he thought of how nice it would be to have a cold beer. Almost instantly the blue eyed babe in his left arm lifted a tall glass to him with a frothy head flowing over the top. Disbelief was written all over his face as Wayne accepted the glass with a kiss from the smiling beauty. Tasting it, he beamed with pleasure. "This is damned good beer lady."

Gerald and Mike were still lustily enjoying themselves across the room. Mike stared at the ceiling with a rictus smile while six or seven women crowded over his prostrate body. Gerald, now completely hidden beneath naked bodies, occasionally let out a long groan like a dying animal.

"Where did you girls come from," Wayne asked a girl near him? "We were sent by Mustang Ranch." she replied. Wayne frowned, "I was just imagining you saying that. Do you read minds?"

"Yes." She answered simply.

"Where are you from? he asked again.

"Barsoom." she replied, blinking long lashes.

"Hmmmm,," Wayne mumbled. "Something rotten in Mars here." Just then he noticed the walls dissolving to be replaced by a blue sky, sand and palm trees. It was very bright and he shaded his eyes. "What in the colossal shit is going on?"

"Fuck!" Gerald roared. "How the hell can I imagine something and have it fucking appear!!" He leaped up, spilling naked women every which way. The trio swiftly and fearfully donned their clothing while looking about to see what was going to happen next. By the time they had finished dressing Mike pointed out that the girls had disappeared. "Hey! I want one back." He bellowed. No sooner had he spoken than a naked blonde with enormous breasts walked up from the white beach and snuggled into his arms. "That's better."

Gerald was on his knees looking at an odd creature sitting in the sand. Wayne looked at it and choked with astonishment. "It...it's a fucking protoceratops! Now I know I am hallucinating." Gerald was petting the squat lizardlike thing. "I just thought of one and here it is." He looked up with a puzzled frown. "Wayne, we seem to be sharing some incredible hallucinations that are indistinguishable from reality."

Wayne scratched his chin. "I've figured this out. It's that stuff, the white crystal stuff in the vase. It's some kind of drug that does this, an incredible drug."

"Huh?" Gerald grunted.

"Watch." Said Wayne. He held out his hand. "I want a handful of shit." A neet pile of shit appeared in the said member.

"Ugh" Gerald mumbled in disgust as he backed away. Immediately the shit turned into a handful of 20 dollar bills. Gerald's eyebrows raised.

"The shit and the money are made of the same stuff." Wayne said. "Absolutely nothing. Just think of something you want."

Gerald closed his eyes and almost instantly a roast ham and a pumpkin pie appeared before him on an ornate hardwood table, complete with napkins, cutlery and a bottle of red wine, with goblets. Gerald opened his eyes and though he had already eaten, he dived into the conjured feast with a vengeance.

Mike had just sat up from another sexual bout with his nonexistent mistress. A troubled look formed on his countenance. In answer to his facial expression, their surroundings changed and the beach and palm trees melted into a hot desert of white sand stretching into infinity in all directions. Gerald looked up wide eyed and mumbled "Whas, goin on?" through a mouthful of pumpkin pie.

An enormous shadeow fell over the group. Mike was staring at the sky, cackling hysterically as his eyes bulged from their sockets. Following His horror filled gaze, Wayne looked up to see a sight that left him unable to react in any way. He merely stared apathetically at a Watermelon that had to be about a quarter of a mile long, floating in the harsh blue sky above them. An enormous round hole in the rind dripped a river of sticky white liquid. Mike gave a piercing shriek and fainted.

Wayne and Gerald were drawn from the sight by a thunderous thumping sound. Far out on the desert three figures were growing nearer. "By God that's Danny!" yelled Wayne.

"Yeah, but what the fuck is behind him? Gerald asked, still chewing pie. Wayne shook his head in disbelief as he recognized the hulking thing pursuing his nephew.

"It's a goddam Stone Giant, just like the ones in the dungeon video game."

"Isn't that Glenn behind them?" Asked Gerald as he popped a piece of ham into his mouth.

"Not sure." Wayne replied. "However, the Stone Giant looks like a real bastard. I for one, am not going to stand here in plain sight of it, hallucination or not." He waved his hand and a huge boulder appeared in front of them, complete with a stairway up the back and a nook at the top where they could watch unseen. They quickly ran up the steps and Gerald cautiously peered over the edge.

"Do you think hallucinations can kill?

"I don't want to find out." Wayne replied grimly. "That is definitly Danny and Glenn." By now they could hear Dan's hoarse screaming, also from behind the Stone Giant they could hear Glenn laughing like a lunatic. Wayne closed his eyes and concentrated. In answer to his thoughts, a hole opened in the sand and swallowed up the stone monstrosity.

Glenn stopped in his tracks for a second, nonplussed. Then the ape-idiot conjured forth an immense Black Widow Spider. Now Gerald got into the act. He mumbled "whista peebie fleen, mat going fruppa squeen" and waved his hand. A huge can of RAID drifted down out of the sky on retro rockets and sprayed the spider. The creature writhed horribly and vanished.

Wayne closed his eyes again and a team of Gorillas dressed like Police Officers subdued Glenn and handcuffed him. "Okay Goddamit!" The ape-Glenn yelled. "Enough already, I quit." His handcuffs vanished and he stood up, pushing Gorillas aside as they vanished into thin air. "All I want is for someone to tell me where the friggin gold and jewels are. I'm Tarzan and all I've been able to find so far is a few trinkets. Then I found this idiot. I think he took it all." He pointed to Dan, who leaned against the boulder gasping for air.

Wayne yawned. "I don't give a fuck what your problem is. I think you are just another hallucination like everything else around here. Go chase lizards."

"I think he's real." Said Gerald. Mike's out cold and I was not thinking of these guys, were you?"

"Of course I'm real." Barked Glenn\Tarzan. "If anyone is an hallucination, it's you."

Wayne was plainly bored with the conversation. "Look over there." He said, pointing behind the ape-idiot. Glenn\Tarzan turned to face a small mountain of gold and prescious stones.

"Yippeeee!" He leaped into the mound and began to wallow in the imaginary treasure.

"Enough of this shit." Said Danny. The familiar dark walls of the dungeon appeared around them.

"Aw gee." Muttered Glenn\Tarzan as his treasure vanished. He glared at Danny.

"Don't let that moron near me." Dan yelled. Glenn\Tarzan drew his jeweled knife and advanced toward Danny and that worthy began to scream.

"Heh heh heh... steal my gold will you pig!" The ape-idiot cackled as he neared his hollering prey. Gerald stepped up and neatly smacked Glenn\Tarzan's lumpy braincase with his flashlight. The amnesiac let out a harsh sounding fart and collapsed. "He'll be allright."

"Aaaargh." Mike sat up, looking about fearfully.

"Let's get the fuck out of here." Said Wayne.

It was a cold gray morning as the group emerged into the outside world, the effects of the drug faded. Much sand had gathered around the entrance, but they finally crawled out, dragging the snoring body of Glenn\Tarzan. As they stood outside gazing at the doorway, it was plain to see that the sands were once again covering the entrance to Phinak's tomb. Wayne silently unhooked his backpack and peered in at the contents. A gold vase full of the wonder drug and a complete notebook of their findings.

Glenn\Tarzan finally opened his eyes, just in time to see a well aimed pile of Osprey shit land on his stomache. "Fuck. What are you guys doing carrying me? I want a beer." He had apparently regained his lost marbles. The group started home, worn out and full of wonder. Overhead gray clouds swirled and an angry Osprey wheeled.

Sept 5th 1998. Original version was finished in august of 85.